Work

So, i have a interview thing tomorrow! I have to go out on a job with the boss and work for a day and see if he lieks me and if I like the job. It is installing awnings, the big electrical roll out kind. I am hoping that he likes me and wants to hire me and that I actually like the job. I need something right now, I am tired of being broke! Wish me luck!

Military

So, Mitchell just got out of boot camp and spent a week at home visiting before he went back do to Pendelton (dont know if I spelled that right). I started to think about joining the military. I started to a while back but didnt go through with it. So I am going through the motions and if they let me (if my criminal and med are ok) then I will be leaving right after I graduate from Heald. I will be going into the army, I am scared and excited. My family needs some security in life, bouncing from dead end job to dead end job is way too stressfull.

Pursuit of Knowledge

this is a quick essay that i wrote about hackers.... hope some of yall enjoy. I dont even think that anyone reads this lol.

Pursuit of Knowledge

When someone says the word Hacker, what is the first thing that pops into most people's heads? Viruses, identity theft, stolen credit card numbers, crashed web sites, or worse. When someone says "hacker" to me I think of the pursuit of knowledge. I know that, already someone reading this paper will sigh and not pay attention to anything else that I write. This, in my opinion, is directly the fault of the media and the government. Now, before making any judgments, I am not an anarchist and I love my country. When something goes wrong with a computer people think of hackers. Why is this so? When computers started making a major impact on our lives, people realized that there was money to be made in cyber-crime. Being humans we need to label these people. The media got a hold of the term hacker and, not fully knowing what it meant, used it to identify the bad guys.
Yes hackers do break into web servers, write viruses, invade privacy, and generally do "bad" things. Most of the things that hackers do are, in fact, illegal. This paper is not being written to defend the legality of hacking or the hacker lifestyle, but to explain the reasons for hacking and the usefulness. Why do hackers do what they do? They do it for fun, adrenaline, and mainly to learn. Hackers do not steal credit card numbers, they do not crash web sites or servers (on purpose), and they have no more negative effect on the internet than a thirteen year old writing bad words in his blog. Hackers have a whole other language and in this language there are names for these cyber-havoc causing individuals: Crackers, Lamers, and Script Kiddiez.
Crackers, for the most part, pirate software. They reverse engineer software to find ways around paying for it. Most of them give the information to the cyber community, and some sell the info. Lamers are usually responsible for crashed web sites, viruses, and stolen information. In the hacker world, lamers are basically the ones trying to be "cool." They aren't good enough, nor do they have the mind state to be l33t. l33t is hacker lingo for elite, the top guns of the hacking world. Even lower on the electronic food chain are Script Kiddiez. These are the people that use software and Trojan viruses to "hack" a computer. Script Kiddiez, although they don't know much about hacking, can be the most dangerous. They are dangerous for the simple fact that they don't know what they are doing and they play around in other computers and end up destroying data.
There are different kinds of l33t hackers. Black-Hat, Grey-Hat, and White-Hat. Basically, Black-Hat hackers do the illegal stuff, White-Hat hackers protect against the Black-Hats and Grey-Hats, they do a little of both. White, at work for money, and Black, at home for fun.
What the media doesn't talk about, and therefore what most people don't know, is that ninety percent of the anti-virus, anti-hacker, and anti-spyware software is written by hackers. The operating systems people use are also written by hackers.
In the late seventies, a hacker by the name of Captain Crunch discovered that a toy whistle, which he got out of a box of cereal, emitted the same frequency (2600 MHz) that Pacific Bell used to authorize long distance phone calls. He was later arrested and served prison time. Kevin Mitnick, after a long stretch of credit card fraud, was arrested and served many years in prison. A thirteen year old boy hacked the Ney York Stock Exchange. Being a minor, he was sentenced to house arrest and is never allowed to access a PC again. Bill Gates, perhaps the most well known hacker ever, helped to create, and then took full credit for the Windows operating system. He is now one of the richest men on the planet.
Before people pass judgment on hackers, they first need to learn all of the facts, and then realize that they are using software, written by hackers, to protect their operating systems (that are written by hackers) against viruses and attacks from lamers, crackers and script kiddiez. Not hackers. Hackers hack to learn and to keep the hacker ethic alive.
Information wants to be free

Pissed Off

I was pissed when i wrote this so... ummm... be prepared.... but i actually think that it makes sense.

What do you do when you need to release all of the stress that weighs you down? Do you hold it in and wait until it causes a medical problem? Do you hold it in until someone pushes your buttons and you snap? I am so scared that i am going to snap on someone. I don't want to fight anymore, i don't want to be mean anymore. I want to trust people again so fucking bad. How am i supposed to trust any one when i get fucked so much? I have trusted so many people in the past, what has it gotten me? I have been jumped over their bull shit, i have been left to deal with all of the consequences. I have given out money to friends that disappeared over the years. I didn't used to be like this, i used to be nice and caring, i used to trust people so much. I didn't used to hate people so easily, i didn't give up on people so easy. Now when i get the slightest feeling that i am going to get fucked i snap and the first thought that comes to my mind is to hurt them before they hurt me, physically or mentally. This is not healthy at all. My hands hurt every morning when i wake up because of my fighting and punching walls. I have broken my hand more times than i can count. It isn't good when you break a bone in your hand and it swells up twice its normal size and you don't care. The pain will go away. The swelling goes away. It doesn't any more. I wake up to pain, i go to sleep to pain. I don't remember what it is like to not be mad. I don't remember what it is like to go a whole day with out faking happiness. Nikki makes me so happy but i am so quick to get pissed at someone else and i try so hard not to take it out on her. I will never hurt her or Paige, but i am afraid that one day i am going to snap on someone and i will never see my family again. I don't know how to deal with this anger. Maybe i actually have a mental illness, maybe i have just been fucked over too much. I have stopped caring about people that i don't know. I see someone on TV that was in a car accident, or someone that died, or was robbed, and i don't have pity anymore. So many people died in the tsunami and i didn't care. It wasn't me, why should i worry about it? Would they have cared if it happened here? i doubt it. People send money and aid all over the world to help third world countries, and i hate it! WHY? When that third world country has used our money to rebuild itself into a power, are they going to thank the USA? No! They will turn around and fuck us like every other country that we have helped has. Maybe this ranting will help me with my anger, maybe it wont, maybe one day i will be able to see a shrink and they can help me. Maybe when my baby comes i will change. God, i hope so. Maybe i just need to calm down and stop worrying. Maybe i will put this online in my blog that i never use, maybe i will let the world see my issues! That might help. might not. I am so tired of not caring. So tired of being mad. And yet, the anger is comforting to me, maybe it helps me feel more like a man, maybe it keeps me from feeling little and pathetic. Maybe i will stop failing and start doing things right, then the anger might go away. Or maybe the anger is the reason that i keep failing. Maybe i just need to cry. Maybe. Then again , it might not be me, maybe it is the world around me. Maybe i am the sane one and everyone is absolutely nuts! Maybe one day i will just lose my fucking mind. I pray that i don't, i pray that i calm down. Maybe. just maybe. I will be fine. If not for myself then for my baby and for Nikki.

Got about a month and a half till the baby comes! YAY! Oh, for yall that didnt know, my girlfriend is about seven and a half months preganant. We will be having a lil girl soon. I am excited and scared to death! Cant wait. Ok gotta get back to class, actually i gotta go have a dip before class starts. Ill prolly write in this again soon.

First one

Ok This would be my first actual post in here so it is kinda boring sorry. :-) (Real short too!)


BY THE WAY CLICK ON THE SHARPE LINK AND DOWNLOAD IT

#E PWNS